A year and a bit later

A good friend just reminded me that she still stops by here once in a while and that perhaps others did too. I'm afraid that made me feel a bit melancholy and that always brings this song to mind so I thought I would share it with you. Dallas only found this song a few weeks before he died which meant that it had to be included in his service. It was important to him and I think that the lyrics spoke to what he felt as he said goodbye to everyone he loved.

A year and a bit later I'm happy to report that our family is doing well. I've sold the house and moved into a smaller place in town that I know Dallas would like for me. I've started working again and I know he'd like that too. Building a life without him has been difficult, and at times it seems insurmountable but the boys and Heather and I are doing it. And he'd be so excited about the baby that Marcus and Heather are expecting. He wanted so much to be a Grandpa and I know that the special gleam he always had in his eye will be passed on to this and every other grandchild we are blessed with.

More later,

Patty xoxo

One Year Later...

May 31, 2012

So tomorrow is the anniversary that I will never celebrate - my Big Guy said to remember the birthday and not his death day. I can't believe that I've survived a year without him. But I have and the boys and Heather have and I think he would be proud of us.

I will try to make the time to reflect tomorrow on all that I have and all that Dallas left behind. There was a poem we used at his service that I think really sums it up:


You can shed tears that he is gone,
Or you can smile because he lived,
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see him
Or you can be full of the love you shared,
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on,
You can cry and close your mind and be empty and turn your back,
Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

- Anonymous


He really did want me and the boys to love and go on and he left us with the inner strength to do that. He was so passionate about life, love and (as a friend pointed out) mostly me. What a wonderful gift to have shared my life with this amazing man. I believe that it is his love that has given me the strength to go on and look forward to the possibilities of what life still holds for me. I hope that the boys feel that same energy - I think they must - Dallas' attitude toward life was contagious. And I know that it lives on in them.

More later,

Patty xo