Four Years Later...

So here we are...almost four years later. Dallas would love how much his family has grown and I know that he's watching over all of us. I was remiss in not publishing an obituary at the time of his death. The boys didn't think it was necessary and yet I still run into people - almost four years later - that expect him to be next to me. These words commemorated him at the Invermere  Relay for Life after his death. I still think they hold true:

Dallas L. Stober
August 28, 1956 - June 1, 2011

Dallas was a loving, funny, brilliant, tenacious, extraordinary man. He was passionate about everything he did and showed everyone around him how to live life to the fullest and not waste a minute of it. He enjoyed golfing throughout the valley and as far away as Scotland. His love of fishing, hiking and the outdoors took him around B.C. and up to Alaska. He taught us how to live, and even as the cancer robbed him of his life, he showed us how to die. His energy and love of life was contagious and it lives on in his wife Patty and their sons, Marcus and Jordan. Dallas died of salivary gland adenocarcinoma (HER-2 positive), a rare and aggressive form of cancer, after a three year battle.

Miss you forever, my Big Guy xoxo.

A year and a bit later

A good friend just reminded me that she still stops by here once in a while and that perhaps others did too. I'm afraid that made me feel a bit melancholy and that always brings this song to mind so I thought I would share it with you. Dallas only found this song a few weeks before he died which meant that it had to be included in his service. It was important to him and I think that the lyrics spoke to what he felt as he said goodbye to everyone he loved.

A year and a bit later I'm happy to report that our family is doing well. I've sold the house and moved into a smaller place in town that I know Dallas would like for me. I've started working again and I know he'd like that too. Building a life without him has been difficult, and at times it seems insurmountable but the boys and Heather and I are doing it. And he'd be so excited about the baby that Marcus and Heather are expecting. He wanted so much to be a Grandpa and I know that the special gleam he always had in his eye will be passed on to this and every other grandchild we are blessed with.

More later,

Patty xoxo

One Year Later...

May 31, 2012

So tomorrow is the anniversary that I will never celebrate - my Big Guy said to remember the birthday and not his death day. I can't believe that I've survived a year without him. But I have and the boys and Heather have and I think he would be proud of us.

I will try to make the time to reflect tomorrow on all that I have and all that Dallas left behind. There was a poem we used at his service that I think really sums it up:


You can shed tears that he is gone,
Or you can smile because he lived,
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see him
Or you can be full of the love you shared,
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on,
You can cry and close your mind and be empty and turn your back,
Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

- Anonymous


He really did want me and the boys to love and go on and he left us with the inner strength to do that. He was so passionate about life, love and (as a friend pointed out) mostly me. What a wonderful gift to have shared my life with this amazing man. I believe that it is his love that has given me the strength to go on and look forward to the possibilities of what life still holds for me. I hope that the boys feel that same energy - I think they must - Dallas' attitude toward life was contagious. And I know that it lives on in them.

More later,

Patty xo

THANK YOU SIDNEY ANGLERS!

I know that many of you probably don't read this blog anymore (I'm going to try and print it off into a book for the boys to remember our journey together as a family). The blog wouldn't be complete without sending hugs and BIG thank you's out to the Sidney Anglers Fishing group, of which Dallas was a proud member up until the time he died. He loved his position as treasurer and always looked forward to the meetings where fishing stories were exchanged and good company was enjoyed. At their first meeting this fall the members voted to name one of their derbies after Dallas - in fact his favourite one - the Halibut derby! He used to call it the "fish and chip derby" so it has now been coined the Dallas Stober Memorial Fish and Chip Derby. It was an amazing honour not only to Dallas's memory but also to our family - thanks you so much!

More later,
Patty xoxo

THANK YOU GUYS!

Thank you so much to all the guys of the Men's Club at the Springs Golf Course in Radium! The recent fundraiser that you had in memory of Dallas was amazingly wonderful. When I learned that you had raised over $7000 in his name I was brought to tears (of happiness for a change!). Knowing that so many of you would take the time to pay tribute to my Big Guy has given me the strength to start moving forward. You helped me to realize that Dallas won't be forgotten because he was loved and respected by so many. I will be forever grateful for that most precious gift from all of you.

Love, Patty

THANK YOU

Thank you so much for all of your support - from the time Dallas was diagnosed until the end of our journey together - having all of you walk with us lightened our burden more than you'll ever know. Special thanks to all of you who were able to make it to the Memorial Service and the reception at our home. It was so wonderful to share stories and memories about the man who was everything to us. As we work through our grief we find strength in knowing that you are there for us. Thank you so much.

Love,
Patty, Jordan, Marcus and Heather

BYE BYE LOVE

As many of you already know, we lost Dallas Wednesday morning. We invite you to join us in celebrating his life.

i

Friday, June 10th, 2011 at 2:00 pm

at

First Memorial Funeral Chapel

4725 Falaise Drive

Saanich, BC

After the service, please join us at our home to share memories over drinks and appetizers.

Love,

Patty, Marcus, Jordan and Heather

OUR HOSPICE AT HOME

Hi everyone...thanks as always for keeping in touch - your emails, calls, texts and notes are always appreciated - I'm sorry that I haven't been able to answer them. The past few weeks have become increasingly difficult for us as Dallas has suffered some major setbacks. A couple of weeks ago he had his first ride in an ambulance because he had a seizure and was having trouble breathing. He was diagnosed with pneumonia and was put on some anti-seizure medication which has thankfully lessened the intensity of his seizures. Because his immune system is so compromised he has also developed a painful case of shingles. Unfortunately, over the last several weeks Dallas has quickly moved from cane to wheelchair and now must be fully assisted whenever he moves out of his favourite chair.

As a family we continue to try and roll with the punches and work together to keep Dallas as comfortable as possible. Dallas was always been very determined to stay out the hospital so with the help of our medical team we have a hospice at home. Dallas can't take his medicine orally anymore so the Palliative Care Team have set up IV lines so that the boys and I can administer the meds that keep him comfortable. Today a hospital bed will replace Dallas's lazy boy chair and homecare staff will be here daily to look after his needs. Marcus and Heather have moved in as well and our hope is that Dallas knows he is constantly surrounded by the love of his family.

Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts. We need them more than ever now. More later...


Love,

Patty

Hi from the Island!

Hi Everyone,

Thanks so much for all the calls, visits and emails. Please forgive me if I haven't been able to reply to you yet and know your caring is appreciated despite our silence at times.

We are keeping busy here – Dallas continues to fight the cancer with all his might but some days are very difficult. He is having a lot of issues with edema (swelling in the feet and legs especially) but he is adjusting well to using a cane and taking breaks when he needs to. We also have a walker that he is using so that he can move around a bit better when we go out. His inner strength never ceases to amaze me – I can only guess at how difficult these changes are for him. I’ve come to realize that we are still making wonderful memories together, even through this devastating time – so that in itself is a gift.

Hi everyone its Dallas now, I guess I should post more but I am not the computer one of the family. I will post some new pics soon as the hair is coming back. Fishing is terrible same as the weather, we haven't caught many salmon lately. There are days when I need the walker but most days the cane works just fine. Poor Jordan as he does all the work on and off the boat. Take care!

More later...

Love, Patty & the Big Guy

Our Latest News

Hi there - it's so hard to believe that we're already part way through March! Soon many of you will be out swinging your golf clubs and we'll be looking forward to more sunny days on the Cinnamon Girl. The Big Guy is determined to catch more salmon and fill up our freezer again. He is becoming quite the seafood/fish gourmet cook and enjoys spending time in the kitchen - definitely something I have to get used to!

Dallas continues to fight this darn cancer thing with all the energy he can muster. He has been having a difficult time with his balance (he calls it feeling "loopy") for a few weeks now and we are all worried about him falling. Since the cancer has metastasized to Dallas's bones a fall could be very debilitating and he's had a few close calls. On our visit with Peter this week he recommended an assessment by an Occupational Therapist. The OT will visit our home and come up with a plan to help Dallas with his mobility issues and he'll be fitted for a cane. As always, my Big Guy is upbeat and positive about the changes. Marcus pointed out that having a cane will really help Dallas get back to being the active guy he likes to be. We feel so fortunate to have both boys in the same city again and are spending as much family time together as possible. It has been so wonderful to have Jordan back home with us - he has lifted a huge weight off both our shoulders.

Thanks so much for your emails and calls - I apologize for being so slow getting back to you. Please know that even if you don't get a response from us right away we appreciate your thoughtfulness so much! More later...

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Love, Patty

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Catching Up

Hi everyone...we hope you're enjoying your weekend! We've been having a really good week - As always, Dallas continues to amaze the medical pros by feeling better than they could have ever predicted. We know that having such a wonderful team of family and friends who continue to carry us through both the good and bad times is the secret to our success. So thank you!
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Last week Dallas was down to one pair of slippers that he could barely squeeze on his feet and his hands were very swollen. Fortunately, tests ruled out the chance of a blood clot and after a week on diuretics he is moving around better and has graduated to a pair of running shoes. Today we took a walk around sunny Sidney - I still can't believe that last weekend it would have been difficult for Dallas to move around town without being in a wheelchair. He continues to amaze and inspire me with his determination and fighting spirit.
.

We recently enjoyed a visit from Dallas's cousin Shelley and her hubby Chris from Edmonton. Dallas, Jordan, Grandpa and Chris went crabbing and fishing with great success but they will always remember that they were pulled over by the RCMP for a routine safety inspection on the way back to the boat house! At dinner we enjoyed hearing Dallas and Shelley reminisce about a family vacation they went on in the '60's. Four adults and six kids in a station wagon traveling through the states - those were the days!
.

Thanks again for being there for us - we couldn't do it without all of you. Special thanks to Anne and Brian for lighting a candle for us in every church on their travels...every little bit helps! More later...
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Love,
Patty & the Big Guy xoxo

Good News!

Hi Everyone,
.
Thank you so much for all of your prayers and positive thoughts - as always you carry us through the most difficult times. I am happy to report that Dallas no longer needs his meds by injection and he is getting both his energy and appetite back. It is truly miraculous for me to think that a little over a week ago he had difficulty walking on his own. We have been granted another reprieve and are so thankful for that.

We are staying close to home and are enjoying special times with our family. Having Jordan here now is incredibly helpful to both of us. Marcus and Heather are here as much as possible too. Having our family all in one place is a very special gift. More later...

Love, Patty

Another Update on the Big Guy

Hi Guys...the last couple of weeks have been our most difficult as you have probably guessed. Dallas was having trouble keeping any food down and last Wednesday was the worst. We went to see Peter and Dallas needed a wheelchair for the first time. Peter immediately set another plan in motion for us. Dallas was given an injection of dexamethasone (strong steroid anti-inflammatory) as well as one for his stomach, which was continually in painful knots. The next day a nurse was by to set up two different IV ports in Dallas's arms and also pre-filled syringes for me to administer.

As you can imagine, things are very difficult right now. Thankfully Jordan flew in from Calgary for a visit on Friday night, assessed the situation at home and immediately put in for a leave of absence from work. He flew back to Calgary on Sunday to pick up a few essentials and drove his truck here yesterday. He has been such an immense help to us both already - he has learned how to give Dallas his meds and is freeing up some of my time so I can stop and take a breath. It is such an amazing gift to have my son share the load with me.

I am happy to report that the dexamethasone is doing it's job and Dallas is now carefully eating some light foods. A nutritionist will visit us soon with some more food suggestions. The nurses visit almost every day and we know that medical help is just a phone call away.

Now that Marcus and Heather are back from their honeymoon they'll be spending more time with us. We have a family dinner planned for tonight - I love it that all my kids are good cooks!

I am sorry that I haven't answered emails and that phone calls and visits are still difficult for us. Right now we are spending time together as a family and coping as well as we can. I'm afraid the "No Vacancy" sign will remain on our B & B as we enjoy the time that we have together. More later...

Love, Patty

Belated Happy New Year

Hi there,
.
I just wanted to give you a quick update on how Dallas is feeling. We saw Peter, our doctor at the Cancer Clinic, on Wednesday. As usual, Peter was upbeat and made us both feel better. He reassured us that the exhaustion and appetite loss that Dallas is experiencing right now is all part of the recovery process from the aggressive radiation treatments he had. We are noticing slight improvements in how Dallas is feeling almost every day now and Peter said that although Dallas won't completely rebound to his previous energy levels they should continue getting better. We realize now that we've been granted a reprieve and are in the bonus round so we're going to enjoy every minute of it together.
.
Thank you for all of your calls, cards and emails. Sorry that I've been slow to respond to them - I know you'll understand. We wish you and yours a happy, healthy 2011. More later...
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Love,
Patty

The Straight Goods

Hi Everyone,

.

We hope you had a wonderful Christmas - ours was very special. We were surrounded by family and our wonderful sister-in-law Tina took over my kitchen so that I could rest and relax. Imagine having your own personal chef (who provides all the food!) and clean up crew - the best gift ever!

.

Dallas wanted me to update the blog and let you know that he's not recovering from the last round of radiation the way we'd hoped. He is still spending most of the day sleeping and his appetite hasn't returned. Visits are particularly difficult right now because he is so tired - please excuse us if we put a "temporarily closed" sign on our B & B - we know that you'll understand.

.

Thank you as always for your love and ongoing support. I'll update the blog again soon. More later...

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Love,

Patty & the Big Guy

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Hi there,

.

Dallas and I wanted to wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas and all the best for 2011!

.

We are looking forward to a wonderful Christmas with our family. I'm hoping that Dallas will be able to enjoy turkey and all the trimmings by then - he's slowly gaining back his appetite but it has been a real struggle this time. We saw Peter this week and he reassured us that the last few weeks have been difficult for Dallas because of the cranial radiation that he had as well as the cold/flu that he picked up along the way. Right now the Big Guy is resting and sleeping a lot of the day which I take as good sign - his body is healing. Although he's still getting most of his nutrition from boost meal replacement drinks and fruit he is starting to eat more "real" food every day. And of course that smile never leaves his face so I know that things are improving.

.

We'll also celebrate Marcus's birthday this week - I can't believe that our "baby" will be 28! Yikes - where does the time go?? Jordan will fly home Christmas Eve so we'll have both our boys in the same place again - yeah! Yesterday I enjoyed a great day with Heather - pedicures and lunch - it's so nice to finally have my girl!

'

Hugs and every best wish for a wonderful Christmas to all of you! More later...

.

Love,

Patty and Dallas

A Tough Week

Hi Guys...just thought I would give you a quick update on my Big Guy. He's had a tough couple of weeks but is now pulling through in his usual style. Dallas was tired from the radiation treatments and unfortunately picked up a virus or bug which set him back in a major way. Peter ran all the tests and reassured us that Dallas's symptoms were not related to the cancer. Unfortunately, the symptoms were pretty severe and knocked the wind out of Dallas's sails - he's spent the better part of the last week being feverish, nauseous and exhausted. Today is the first day I can honestly say he's getting his colouring and appetite back, thank goodness. Knowing my guy, he'll be out on the boat within the next few days as his energy improves.

We recently enjoyed visits from Calgary friends Ev and Bill as well as Bruce and Assunta from Vernon. Old friends really are the best anti-cancer drug going - thank you all. Bruce set to work right away hanging Christmas lights so we're on track for December 25th. Jordan was able to fly home for the weekend and Marcus visited with puppy Sadie so there was never a dull moment!

Thanks as always for being there. More later...

Love, Patty

UPDATE

Hi Guys,

Thanks so much for all of your support - as usual you walk the walk with us. Dallas had an appointment with our cancer doc (Peter) so I thought I would give you a quick update. First of all, there are two people in my life that can put a positive spin on this terrible disease. The first is my Big Guy and the second is Peter. Peter works with a team of medical staff but he always makes us feel like we are just sitting down for a chat over coffee. Today, as always, he introduced Dallas as a very active guy - so of course that leads to fishing stories like the recent halibut hunt. It is fun to watch and I never leave without being thankful to have been a part of it.

Dallas is doing well. Peter thinks that he's responded to the radiation treatments and that stopping the herceptin hasn't left any negative effects. We'll continue to see Peter every two to three weeks and more often if needed. I know that Peter has a team in place to deal with any problems and that Dallas has that fighting attitude that makes anything possible. It was a good cancer day. More later...

Love, Patty

Fishing Report

Hi everyone,

I am starting to get the energy level back slowly after the radiation treatments. Dad and I fished yesterday with lots of blue sky and calm water. WE had the best thing possible happen as we caught a 33 pound halibut while fishing for salmon. It was the first one my dad has ever seen let alone caught so it was quite the day. The legal season is closed to halis but this one seemed to follow us home. I am slowly getting back to emails and calls so please keep them coming.

Take care,
Dallas

The Latest News

Thank you so much for all of your support over these past years. We don't know what we would have done without you!

As you have probably already guessed, our news isn't good - but as we always say - if the doctors give us a few months we will somehow work those into years. And that is what we intend to do. For right now we are spending close time with our boys and family, trying to figure out what the next step should be. We plan to live each day that we have left together to the fullest. We're actively pursuing alternative health options (as we have been all along) and are in touch with the Mayo Clinic. We'd like to get an opinion from them to make sure that we've pursued every avenue open to us.

In the meantime, you'll find us in the garden or out on the Cinnamon Girl catching fish or prawns. We'd love to take a trip to Italy together - that was always on our dream list. If we do that we'll probably cruise the Mediterranean because it's just more comfortable for Dallas.

We feel so fortunate in our lives. We've made great friends and have had a love that we know is rare. We have two wonderful boys who have grown into men that we are so very proud of - what more can you ask for in life than that? Please remember that our B & B is always open.

More later...

Love,

Patty & Dallas